Rubbish Footballers

The rubbish footballer is a precious person. As football fans we have all seen the greats and have regular exposure to their moments of brilliance. Pele's attempted lob from 70 yards, Marco van Basten's wonder goal against Russia, Gazza tormenting Scotland at Euro '96 and Roberto Carlos lashing in a 45 yard freekick against France. Thanks to replays, these are gems witnessed by all, there's no longer a 'wow' factor in having seen something uniquely amazing. It's a topsy turvy world where in order to see something special you have to see something shit. Millions of people have seen Messi play, but how many have been fortunate enough to watch Karl Munroe in full flight? And so if you ever get the chance to witness a rubbish footballer, don't moan about their lack of quality, simply relax in the knowledge that, like a wide-eyed traveller gazing over the Grand Canyon at dawn, you are truly privileged. All that this page asks is that if you do see a rubbish footballer, let us know. We want to name and shame every rubbish footballer who ever dared kick a ball. It's a wholly impractical, ridiculous idea and, fittingly, it's doomed to fail. However, please don't let that put you off contributing!